The summer of 1999 was my last summer as a "kid." I was 15 years old, so I wasn't technically a child anymore, but I definitely wasn't an adult.  I felt the pressure of adulthood coming right around the corner, waiting to grab me, tie my hands behind my back, and sentence me to a lifetime of boredom.  I was going to have none of that. Where I got the idea that adulthood is boring, I do not know.  My parents can be 2 of the silliest people I know- anything but boring.  I guess I felt trapped by the unknown.  Fear was at the root of it again.

However, even with those feelings of doom lingering under the surface, it was a great summer.

The first reason why it was so amazing is because my grandpa is a Gideon.  I'll explain.  Gideons are the guys who leave Bibles in hotel rooms, bring Bibles to prisons, carry Bibles in their cars, etc.  They make it a point to give God's word away to anyone who wants a Bible.
In the spring of my 9th grade year, my grandpa and his fellow Gideons were stationed outside the doors of my middle school.  One of my friends and I saw the bright-orange New Testaments (with Psalms and Proverbs) in the Gideons' hands, so we dashed outside to each get one.
We saw my grandpa standing about 1/2 a block away from us, so we waved and went back inside to finish up the school day.

I already had a Bible at home, but this new one was COOL.  For one thing it was new.  It was also orange. Yes!  I had never really taken the time to read my other Bible.  Now that I had this sweet new Bible, I started reading it.  I read it pretty much every day, and on May 25th, 1999, I gave my life to Jesus Christ.

If it hadn't been for the hope in Christ that I received that day, I would be a very different person by now.  Scary different, not good different.

Being born again is probably the best feeling I have ever had.  I had a purpose and a destiny, and I never had to be alone anymore.  This was awesome.  About the same time, I heard a song by Big Tent Revival called "Choose Life." It would become one of my battle songs in the years to come, but I didn't know it then. Side note: I just watched a youtube video of the song, and I remember it being way more powerful than that!  Check out Deuteronomy 30:19 instead.

The other reason why that summer was so great was because of 5 girls who came to my mom's daycare every day.  They ranged in age from 6 to 12 years old.  We were pretty much inseparable, and the days were packed with playing softball games in the yard, swimming in a 2-foot deep "pool" in the backyard, eating popcorn, giggling, and just being carefree.

By the end of the summer, I had lost about 15 pounds. I had stopped eating meat in the 8th grade, and just kind of slowly started cutting out other things like sugary and fatty foods.  With the active lifestyles the 5 girls and I led over those 3 months, my appetite should have been huge. However, I usually ate the same portions that they did, even though they were much smaller and younger than I was.

 Even with all the great friendships going on on the surface, the fear issue still lingered.  I know now that God wants His disciples to be strong and to be able to fight spiritual battles.  I understand now that if He had instantaneously delivered me from fear, particularly the fear of abandonment and rejection, as soon as I surrendered my life to the Lord, He would have done me a huge disservice.  I would be one entitled brat.  And probably pretty lazy too. ;)

Due to the fear issues, I developed a ritual of weighing myself every day.  I had to be 100% secretive about it, because deep down I knew how abnormal it was to weigh myself everyday.  The voice of the dictator that I referred to in my first post was more powerful than the other voice inside that was saying that I didn't need to weigh myself.  I now know that hearing voices/having invading thoughts is quite common, and the devil doesn't have anything new up his sleeve.  He is quite unoriginal in the way he attacks people, but the key is in his persistance.  He knows we all have a breaking point if he'll just keep at it long enough.

Now that I wanted to serve the Lord, I had a big bulls eye on my back.  The devil knew exactly where to shoot.

None of this was happening without my parents taking notice, so I'll cover that next time.