Preparing for the worst
and getting God’s best.
I’ve had some downtime at work lately, and I’ve been
scrolling through my inbox in a repeated fashion that is both unproductive and unnecessary.
I also found the first two lines to a blog entry that I have been ignoring for
a month.
The date in the title was a day that left me with a lot of
unasked questions. (Truly, I wasn’t even able to form the questions, let alone
ask them.)
When last year’s news was announced regarding “your jobs are
disappearing,” everyone involved went through a grieving process to a certain
extent. I found repeated peace in something that I know Holy Spirit whispered
to me at that time: My job was to “walk by faith and have a good attitude while
doing so.” I still have those words written on a sticky note to the left of my
computer so I won’t forget my purpose. However, the farther we go on this
journey, the harder it gets. It didn’t hit me last year that those who leave early
on only have to say goodbye once. They
get a clean breakaway. The rest of us say goodbye over and over. It’s messy.
The week of March 19 – 23, I learned that I had a new team. I
also learned I’d be moving to a different building than my old team. Leaving my
old team was harder than I anticipated. Even though we are all still employed
at the same company, we don’t get to see each other, swap stories about new
restaurants, or have giggle fests. Just like that, face to face communication
was cut off.
Although I know that my job is not to socialize with my
teammates, I also know that I work way better when I do. Relationships take
time, and we had worked solidly for two years to build trust. As a result, we
were blunt, open, and honest with each other. We also understood the work we
did and had a solid understanding of how our team interconnected with other
teams.
Now, I am trying to get my bearings.
My first day at the new building felt like the first day of
5th grade. It felt uncomfortable, but also like it shouldn’t be uncomfortable.
I’ve done this since kindergarten, so first days should be old hat by now. I
should know where the bathrooms are. I should know where the lunchroom and
classrooms are. Put in my present terms, I should know where the meeting rooms
are.
But I don’t.
And I don’t know my new teammates well enough to know their
sense of humor. Are we on the same page? Is sarcasm okay on this team, or are
others easily offended? More importantly, is anyone on my team planning on
leaving soon? Anyone being forced to leave even though they want to stay?
There are many unknowns in this relationship equation.
I know this is all part of life. Goodbyes happen all the
time. People change jobs all the time. Change is overall, a good thing (if the
God of the universe is guiding the change and the timing is in step with His
plans and purposes). Change for the sake of change, change for the sake of
sounding hip, trendy, (and therefore annoying) can be part of making the worst
possible decision.
I think I’ve entered the angry stage of grief. I want my
next job to be a small business, just me, myself, and I. However, I don’t want
to react out of anger to this situation and make the same mistake I’ve seen
others make.
I’m still trying to hear the Lord’s voice in all of this,
and the sense I am getting is that I need to wait. This transition time is
uncomfortable, to say the least. I want to sleep for the next month and just
let the dust settle. That is not an option.
What I did (realistic option) was write notes and get a
small gift for each of my old teammates. I will miss them more than I thought
possible. I can also cheer them on as they find their next job – one that
hopefully challenges them to grow and keep learning.
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