Wednesday, May 16, 2018

To everyone who helped me find my mouth


I found this book today and it may be meant for children
But sometimes it's good to remember that we were all childrens at one point
And there are certain people God puts in each of our lives 
To help us find our mouth (voice, purpose, life) again
Even when other people tell us our mouths are bad
Or wrong or dirty
Or that you shouldn't be here

The people who help me find my mouth
Do what alcohol does for most others
All of the sudden
I find my voice when I am around them
And I don't stop talking
Because what I say 
Is the most beautiful thing I have heard
Up to that point

And when they listen, it is like a warm hug
For my soul
And my spirit 
At the same time

I know I am loved.

Monday, May 14, 2018

Fri 3/23/2018 4:16 PM; writing for next week

Preparing for the worst

and getting God’s best.

I’ve had some downtime at work lately, and I’ve been scrolling through my inbox in a repeated fashion that is both unproductive and unnecessary. I also found the first two lines to a blog entry that I have been ignoring for a month.

The date in the title was a day that left me with a lot of unasked questions. (Truly, I wasn’t even able to form the questions, let alone ask them.)

When last year’s news was announced regarding “your jobs are disappearing,” everyone involved went through a grieving process to a certain extent. I found repeated peace in something that I know Holy Spirit whispered to me at that time: My job was to “walk by faith and have a good attitude while doing so.” I still have those words written on a sticky note to the left of my computer so I won’t forget my purpose. However, the farther we go on this journey, the harder it gets. It didn’t hit me last year that those who leave early on only have to say goodbye once. They get a clean breakaway. The rest of us say goodbye over and over. It’s messy.

The week of March 19 – 23, I learned that I had a new team. I also learned I’d be moving to a different building than my old team. Leaving my old team was harder than I anticipated. Even though we are all still employed at the same company, we don’t get to see each other, swap stories about new restaurants, or have giggle fests. Just like that, face to face communication was cut off.

Although I know that my job is not to socialize with my teammates, I also know that I work way better when I do. Relationships take time, and we had worked solidly for two years to build trust. As a result, we were blunt, open, and honest with each other. We also understood the work we did and had a solid understanding of how our team interconnected with other teams.

Now, I am trying to get my bearings.

My first day at the new building felt like the first day of 5th grade. It felt uncomfortable, but also like it shouldn’t be uncomfortable. I’ve done this since kindergarten, so first days should be old hat by now. I should know where the bathrooms are. I should know where the lunchroom and classrooms are. Put in my present terms, I should know where the meeting rooms are.

But I don’t.

And I don’t know my new teammates well enough to know their sense of humor. Are we on the same page? Is sarcasm okay on this team, or are others easily offended? More importantly, is anyone on my team planning on leaving soon? Anyone being forced to leave even though they want to stay?

There are many unknowns in this relationship equation.

I know this is all part of life. Goodbyes happen all the time. People change jobs all the time. Change is overall, a good thing (if the God of the universe is guiding the change and the timing is in step with His plans and purposes). Change for the sake of change, change for the sake of sounding hip, trendy, (and therefore annoying) can be part of making the worst possible decision.

I think I’ve entered the angry stage of grief. I want my next job to be a small business, just me, myself, and I. However, I don’t want to react out of anger to this situation and make the same mistake I’ve seen others make.

I’m still trying to hear the Lord’s voice in all of this, and the sense I am getting is that I need to wait. This transition time is uncomfortable, to say the least. I want to sleep for the next month and just let the dust settle. That is not an option.

What I did (realistic option) was write notes and get a small gift for each of my old teammates. I will miss them more than I thought possible. I can also cheer them on as they find their next job – one that hopefully challenges them to grow and keep learning.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

A veces

Porque a veces, las palabras no vienen facilmente.

He tratado de escribir algunas veces durante las ultimas semanas, y, se me perdieron las palabras. ¿A donde han ido, mis amigas las Palabritas? ¿Porque me han dejado?

El descanso es algo necesario siempre. Pues, durante las ultimas semanas, parece ser como el cielo. Lo quiero mas y mas.

Mi equipo del trabajo ha cambiado. Mi oficina ha cambiado. Mis amigos estan cambiando, y yo estoy cambiando. No quiero tener tanta prisa. Bueno, quiero descansar. Quiero ir lentamente por la vida y la vida me esta pasando con una prisa feroz.

Me ama la clima aqui ahora; pero, como cada otra cosa, ha cambiado con mucha prisa. Una semana habia nieve y me puse el abrigo. Esta semana, me pongo las chancletas. Gracias a Dios, me pongo las chancletas! 😊

¿A donde van, palabras y tiempo? ¿Porque hay tanta prisa?

Monday, January 29, 2018

Free attitude adjustment with every move, and I'm feeling musical!

I mentioned in previous posts that moving is (almost) an annual event for me. However, let it be known that this event is not always initiated by me. For the most part, I’ve moved to stay with people I like, not because I have some odd obsession with moving. My friends move, I move.  They don’t move, I (usually) don’t move either.

I am moving again in March. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you read that correctly. But wait, there’s more! This will be a move unlike any that I have ever done in the past! It is a work move! My company will be shifting to a new building, so I get to keep my job (yay!) and go to a different building.

I shouldn’t be so excited.

The main thing I have learned from moving (and this is why I am excited) is because the God gives a free attitude adjustment with every major life change (moving included). No joke.

At first, any move is a little exciting. I enter the honeymoon phase. Whether I am up-sizing or downsizing, the move is usually something I initiate (even if I were to get kicked out, I initiated moving by choosing to break a rule or failing to pay). If I choose to stay with my peeps, then I must move – cue song/see above.

Then comes the reality of it all. There are too many people and not enough boxes. There is too much stuff, and not enough days to cram the stuff into boxes. There is too much talking, and not enough doing.

Anger is welling up.

I don’t care how much of an optimist you are. Your character will be tested.

Someone scratches my chest of drawers. “No problem!” I say with a grin. “I’m just happy you’re helping me move!”

Then comes the point in the day, week, month of the moving marathon in which everyone involved is tired, hungry, slightly dehydrated, and sore. Work gets really sloppy. Manners go out the window. Furniture continues to get scratched and broken. I just need a 15 minute break to be alone, stretch my back, drink water, and did I mention to be alone? Just 15 minutes.

The answer is no.

That is the point at which Allie has some tough decisions to make. Is integrity just a buzzword I hear at work all the time? Seriously. ALL the TIME! Or is integrity really my insides matching my outsides? What I want to say is, “Burn it all! Just burn it all! Who needs chairs anyway? I don’t need a bed! I’ll just have to move it again next year.” What I am learning to say is…nothing. Just nothing. Complaining is contagious, and I don’t want to start it.

Yes, venting can be helpful at times. Other times, it spirals out of control and sends defeat deep into the hearts of everyone involved in the move.

So in this upcoming move, I am hoping my attitude will pass the test. I’m not the judge of a passing grade, but God gave me a really awesome gift named Holy Spirit to help me stay on the right path. Sometimes, He tells me to hold my tongue, just be still. Other times, He encourages me to speak (usually when I don’t want to speak.)

The whole purpose is to hone my character. God wants my heart. He wants it to be right, so I’m willing to move one more time.

I’m hoping I’ll appreciate heaven more once I get there, knowing I am finally home. HOME. Home. Home. En casa.

Friday, December 15, 2017

Why I Lift Weights

It started out as a joke. “I lift weights to stay in shape for moving,” I’d say. Then giggle. Like an “it’s true, but mostly I’m joking” type of giggle.
I think that was three years ago. Since then, I have moved or helped someone else move about six times. I will be completing move number seven in a couple weeks.
Prior to that, I’ve moved an average of one time per year for the last 17 years. (I used middle-school algebra to figure that out.) Sometimes my greatest mental challenge is remembering my address. I try to play it off by saying something like, “I just moved,” which is true, or, “It’s been a long day!”
Now that I am getting to the age where things don’t heal as quickly as they once did, I’m valuing the gift of good health. And chiropractors. And ice packs. I know that lifting has helped me avoid several injuries, and I’m hoping this preventive effort will continue.
Lifting weights is the one exercise I can do consistently without getting bored. It also gives me the appetite of a teenage boy (slight exaggeration), so my second favorite exercise is grocery shopping.
The end.

Monday, November 27, 2017

Only Five Days Behind - Another Recovery Blog :)

Intentions are silly things. 

I had intended to post this entry last week. 

There is an excellent article regarding Thanksgiving and eating disorder recovery within this very link.  

Thanksgiving can be a very frightening holiday for anyone recovering from an eating disorder. Been there, done that; I lived to tell the tale! :) 
It is no longer frightening, nor abhorred. 

It is still good to keep in mind how much different Thanksgiving present is from Thanksgiving past. 

One example: 

Thanksgiving 1999 - I weighed myself as soon as I got home after the family gathering, and I had lost weight. I can't believe that was already 18 years ago, and I also can't believe that was the source of my satisfaction back then. 
Thanksgiving 2017 - I ate three varieties of meat this year, no guilt involved. I don't even own a scale.

Anyway, enjoy the article!